Amazing!! This is the third year I’m doing this, and it’s funny how the holiday season lets you reflect and circle back to look retrospectively as well as forward. 2018 was a crazy year for sure, so let us reflect!!
edit: after writing out my 2019 new year’s fears, I see how broader they have become over the years! I think this is a testament to how nebulous everything is in the adult world. Everything is on your own timeline and you have to take ownership.
Addressing 2018 New Year’s Fears
- I’m scared for all the changes up ahead: from leaving a place I called home for 4+ years to needing to relearn how to socialize and find my own community. Damn, this fear was so valid. Transitions are hard, and I’ve been comparing my transition to NYC to how I felt when I went abroad to Berlin a few years ago! But!! It’s important to remember that things take time, and that is something that cannot be rushed! (If only I had the Time stone at my disposal…) I moved to NYC in September, and now in December, I know I’m already in a better place than I was 3 months ago. And that says something 🙂
- I’m scared that in my first time ever doing research, that I won’t be able to deliver because the guidelines are so loose. This seems like so long ago, winter quarter! I did learn that research is indeed self-motivated and such a gamble. I admire the people I worked with for their perseverance and talent
- I’m scared that I won’t be able to make the best use of my time not in school/work. The general idea right now is to travel, but who knows if 1) it’ll pan out and 2) if it’ll actually add value to my life outside of having cool photos for Instagram. I’ve been on 25 flights in the last year. That’s an obscene amount (and my skin is probably not thanking me for it at all!) Needless to say, I ended up traveling quite a bit, primarily in East Asia. I wouldn’t say it was incredibly culturally enriching, most of the things I saw in museums honestly don’t stick, especially when names start blending together. But going about every day life and interacting with locals was the most telling. It’s encouraged me to think a bit more critically about the historical context in which we act. And actually, not that many cool photos for Instagram due to a hair fiasco LOL. So yes! traveling panned out! and I gained things other than cool photos! success!
- I’m still scared that I won’t learn to fully accept my body for how it is! It’s a constant battle, and I want to slowly develop healthy habits for the longevity and health of my body, which is a gift from God. I don’t think this will ever be accomplished. Health and fitness is a journey. But my success from this is getting a personal trainer in Oakland over the summer. My trainer validated my back pain from core exercises and worked to address that; I would’ve never known that it was a legitimate issue. I also realized what a mental battle/challenge exercising and eating are because a professional ended up handling it for me. I’ve gained good lessons from this, and I look forward to putting them in action in 2019!
- I’m definitely scared that my internship won’t live up to my internal hype because everyone knows how excited I am, but I still feel this need to keep myself in check and be realistic. IT WAS AMAZING. NUFF SAID.
- I’m scared about the potential LDR that will be a reality by the end of 2018. we’re still going strong! 3 years!!!
- I’m scared that I’ll just be a big mouth talking about all the terrible things happening in this world and not actually take action! ~time to mobilize~ Discussion is important! And I’m not afraid to bring up uncomfortable topics anymore. Moving to NYC has helped me realize that I want to be surrounded by people who keep me accountable and also care deeply. In addition to taking action, I’ve been being more monetarily supportive through donations, which is a big step for me!! I trust the organizations my friends put forward and I know I can help in this way while I am still learning how to be a well-informed activist.
- Still scared about not being able to manage money. Send help pls. lol this is still a struggle. seriously, if anyone has any money management hacks please share!!!!!
2019 New Year’s Fears
- complacency. I’ll become complacent with where I am in all aspects of life!! spiritually, artistically, technically, physically, mentally, socially.
- I’ll be too scared to take a leap of faith in a career change, especially if I feel like that is truly my calling.
- People won’t like me. welp.
- I’ll have trouble managing my money! again pls send help.
- I won’t take care of my body and my health. I’m aware that I’m growing older and my body won’t be able to keep up with the bad/indulgent decisions I make on a daily basis.
My 2018 Recap
meant to celebrate my successes, however big or small!
- I graduated (again)!! On top of that, my last quarter ended with the first 4.0 in my higher education career (and it was actually HIGHER than a 4.0!!) talk about an academic high 😀
- I’ve made a total of 6 videos this year: #GIRLBOSS, Nightlight, Rather Be (dance/violin cover), Many Names, Who’s Chinese?, Another Chance. Will make a separate post or YT video about my lessons learned from these!
- Many Names made it to the Top 4 of the AT&T Shape Create-a-thon! And filming the video included filming on the Warner Bros. studio!
- I was truly an independent this summer, driving where I could, managing my food and money and plans. I felt like a responsible adult!!
- I started my full time job!
- I officially worked at my dream company from college: Pixar!!
- I am now a Stanford alum interviewer for undergraduate admissions #givingback
- Made a mobile game that won 2nd place in class, with judges from Blizzard and Riot (check it out here)
- Dyed my hair BLONDE, against my mother’s wishes (oops).