“How do you know that the other person you’re talking to feels that they’re being heard?”

Many of the people whom I love are applying to medical school right now and have been experiencing an arduous, anxious, and drawn-out few months. The medical school interview is often one of the most intense moments of the process, and I can’t even imagine how vulnerable I would feel if I was asked a series of questions that I knew I was not answering to the best of my ability.

But, as my boyfriend shared with me, it is often during these vulnerable moments when one experiences the greatest potential to learn and to grow. One of the last questions he was asked during his medical school interview was, “How do you know that the other person you’re talking to feels that they’re being heard?” Although the moment of opportunity to answer the question during the interview has long passed, it’s very clear that this question has guided his interactions with everyone around him ever since that moment, and I’m very grateful that his presence in my life has compelled me to be more patient and willing to listen to others.

I’ve noticed that a sad source of conflict between myself and those around me is that we fail to understand that we agree with each other. As soon as one party is inflamed and hurls a trivializing remark, other parties also gear up to argue, and in the mess, everyone fails to clearly distinguish points of agreement from points of disagreement. However, these kinds of interactions are so avoidable if we take the time to humbly make space for others to feel heard before responding. This year, I strive to give others space to fully explain themselves, and to show grace when emotions start heating up, to ensure that others are not only being heard, but feel confident that they are being heard.

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“How do you know that the other person you’re talking to feels that they’re being heard?”

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