It isn’t exactly finals week anymore (it’s actually just a few days before Christmas), but that doesn’t mean lessons from finals week aren’t applicable anymore. I was deeply moved and ashamed of myself when I watched the video. Human nature is a funny thing; we are able to be moved so easily in the moment, but once days, weeks, months pass by us, we often forget the original intent of our musings and experiences. I certainly have.
A little over four months ago, I attended the Jubilee Conference in LA. I proclaimed it to be THE turning point in my life. I still wear the bracelet to this day as a constant reminder, and I’m proud that I can blatantly see that I need to be “daring” as my wrist urges… So why is it that after just going back through and reading my own blog post from the immediate aftermath of the conference, I feel like I had forgotten so much? I only bothered to read it because amidst studying for GREs, my mind was in such a jumble and I found myself blindly clawing for a goal in my life… because I have lost sight of a goal that is greater than myself.
The commonality between the video and the conference is that I’ve been deeply moved and it is upon the basis of God. As the video states, my degree should be to help those who are hurting. As the conference states, pain is the most powerful platform for power. I have so many inspirations around me, so why is it that once school starts back up, I get so knee-deep in my qualms and I worry so much about what is best for ME and not what HE wants me to do?
I admit. I’m ashamed. I have lost sight of Him, and I thought it was okay for me to be lost because my friends are just as lost. I have been providing lip service, discussing with people what Christianity is to me, yet I would never let it be a pillar in my decisions and my choices. But maybe that is the beauty of having this blog; I am able to keep personal records and have readers and friends hold me accountable for what I say I will do. Procrastination is the devil, and I’ve really had enough of pushing Him down the priority list; it’s gotten me nowhere. From now on throughout winter quarter, I plan on seeking His presence, searching for the right answers, and diving into the Word.